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when someone asks for my number, i’m tempted to say…

1 childhood, 1 lost, 1 billion dragonflies, 1 billion paper airplanes, 1 troublemaker

1 car, 2 accidents, 2 trips to the er. 2 permanent scars, 1 visible.

4 continents, 3 states, 1 father, 1 mother, 1 sister, 2, brothers, 3 best friends, 3 families, 2 present, 1 future, 2 hamsters, 13 fish, 2 dogs,  3 funerals.

1 heart, 1 million dreams, 5 women, 2 mistakes, 1 that got away.

2 balls, 1 dick, 1 man, 1 love, 1 life.

…but i don’t. i just tell them the numbers that don’t matter

You had me at, “I don’t wear Uggs.”

The purpose of reading and learning I feel like everybody has twisted.

It’s not a job or college. Although those things are essentials and can’t be ignored, that’s just logistics, details.

The problem begins at the very beginning when kids are taught grand concepts without a connecting explanation or motive that’s worth pursuing.

Learning isn’t to squeeze the world into your mind but to enlarge your mind to hold the world.

Think about it, let it marinate.

(Source: lancecorona)

Racists Fucks.

So these are the shoes that are causing a big racist cluster fuck. Why? because people are idiots who have nothing better else to do. Sometimes I think God must of went to Ikea when he was making some of these folks. These shoes were announced 6 months ago and somehow somebody called them racist and managed to procure enough outrage in one place for news outlets to latch onto it just because the have shackles? When clearly they’re handcuffs that were inspired by a toy, this toy to be precise.

Now how the fuck is this racist? I guess the media never saw “my pet monster” I mean look at the colorway of the shoe and compare it to the toy, the orange handcuffs, and the fact that Jeremy Scott has alluded on multiple occasions that his inspiration for his shoes were cartoons and toys not slavery and somehow Jesse Jackson is outraged about this shoe? Bitch why aren’t you outraged because of the low rates of education, high rate of teen pregnancy, divorce, abortions, and extremely disturbing low rates of net worth, and skyrocketing cases of welfare?? where’s your press conference about that? Same to all the other fucks that are saying it’s racist. Be outraged about shit that matters not a sneaker, I mean…do you own stock in Adidas? People are just stupid. It’s 2012 and it seems like we haven’t progressed at all. Next thing you know, people will call Tylenol racist for putting cotton inside its bottles and making us pick it… 

Don’t text another guy anything with a smiley face or sad face or any of the other emoticons. That’s like equivalent to you standing in front of me and frowning or smiling as though you want to take me out to dinner. Don’t. Do. That. Ever.

(Source: lancecorona)

Everytime I go to the beach, people always say. Lance, why dont you go in the water? Why dont you go swimming??

My first answer is If I get in the water and I cant see my feet, then I get the hell out.

My second answer is simply




OCTOPUSES ARE SOME SCARY MOTHERFUCKERS.



Can you imagine swimming in the water and seein one of these wild lookin son-of-a-bitches hovering over you????


Thats GOTTA be some scary shit. And you know what?? What are u gonna do about it?? Those bastards have those LONG ASS arm thangs

PLUS, youre in THEIR hood. I dont give a fuck how fast u swim. Once one of them get 6 feet from you, youre OCTOPUS FOOD.  Shit, at least with a shark u can punch him in the nose, or try and stab him, or try and swim under or around something. Not with an Octopus. 

Those sons-a-bitches will snatch you by your leg, and its GAME OVER.



Look at that BIG ASS, WILD MUTHAFUCKA…

Imagine you’re just swimming around Mindin your own business. And you swim over one of THOSE bastards. What u gon do? 

SHIT. 

If he aint hungry, or hes sleep, you MIGHT get a pass. If not, they can plan a closed casket funeral. Because YOUR ass aint comin home.


You see that stupid fool in the top, right hand corner of that picture??? Thats the kind of people that dont value their life. Same with the people who took these pics.

You gotta have ELEPHANT NUTS to fuck with an Octopus. 

I wouldnt even EAT an octopus.


Look at that big headed bastard Thats absolutely HORRIFYING.

And you may be saying Well, Lance, how come you dont hear about Octopus attacks that much??

ITS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE THAT DO GET ATTACKED, DONT LIVE TO REPORT THAT SHIT. 


THEY DIE.


So next time you go scuba diving, think of this, and please be careful.

And dont ask my ass to go with you.

(Source: lancecorona)

take care…

'Take care…' 
sometimes I hate these two syllables even more than ‘Goodbye’ It sounds so sad when people use it to try to leave a better impression than the situation in which they are stuck. Goodbye is good for me because it let’s me know that it’s the end. Whether it is a good one or not, bye is bye. 

'Take care' means 'I want you to  be healthy and keep healthy, live longer and well although I am leaving you, live a full and loving life, meet a beautiful person and have a beautiful life, but not with me, me who carries with me everything you are and everything you ever hoped to be…'

But there are moments when I don’t have anything to say but ‘Take care.’ Nothing else really seems appropriate to be said, and I heartily mean it.

(Source: lancecorona)

Just 5

Life is about five minutes.

I can tell if a girl is game in five minutes. I can tell if she’s a bitch in five. I can tell if she’s going to be the next ex in five. I can tell if she’s a player in five.

I can tell if a guy is a fucking tool in five. I can tell if I have something to learn from someone in five. I can tell if someone is a fucking idiot in five.

Too bad it takes more than five to decide if I’m right or wrong.

But that surprise when someone isn’t what you thought… lasts five minutes.

(Source: lancecorona)

I am like an airplane… I only know how to go forward and fly.

(Source: lancecorona)